When I look at my finances, or anything that has to do with my money, I want to keep it a secret for some reason. I don’t want anybody to know that I’m in financial trouble. I’m not sure why that is, but I guess it mainly roots in my shame that I have money problems. I have even kept it from my girlfriend. I think she has a sense that my finances are far from perfect, and I have told her that my credit score sucks. But, I have never told her how bad it is, and I never let her know when I’m in a little bit of trouble and need to stop spending money. Of course, this only compounds the problem, as I act like nothing is wrong and continue to spend when I shouldn’t. Unfortunately, that is still going on today. I need to be more up front about my issues, especially with my friends and family. I’ve started to be a little more up front with my mom, and she has given me some words of encouragement, and she let me know that she has made some of the same mistakes I have.

One of the reason why I am starting this blog is to try to get over that shame. I think everybody has trouble with money from time to time, and I know everybody has to worry about money, finance, and budgeting. Since it’s a universal issue, why should I be ashamed of it? I’m not talking about letting people in on the specifics. I mean in general; why can’t I talk to people about my financial issues. If I was able to talk about it, or even ask for help, then I would probably be in much better financial shape that I’m in today.

It’s that thought that makes me feel even worse. The fact that the simple gesture of asking for help would have kept me in much better financial shape makes me sick to my stomach. Having to feel these thoughts of helplessness and loneliness because I don’t share adds to my torment. At least now I have recognized those feelings. Now, I know that I need to take my financial future in my own hands, but also not hide the fact that I sucked at it before. I think as long as I’m striving to get better, than it’s okay that I made mistakes in the past. It is much more important to learn from mistakes, then to hide from them and make them again.

Filed under: blogging, finance, money